How to love yourself in your wedding photographs
After working in the wedding industry for nearly 5 years it regularly aggravates me how much bullshit there is that’s angled to make the bride feel like she is not enough as she is, and how now she is a ‘bride’ there is even more of an expectation (and let’s be frank, normal every day life is just enough) to look million dollar perfect. And by that I mean like the size 0 air brushed models plastered on the front of the magazines. There’s lists about body scrubs and facials and pedicures and tanning and diet plans – the list goes on. You might think the one day of your life you are marrying someone you adore and who adores you, you might be free from that kind of pressure but in fact it is just multiplied.
The internet doesn’t help much. It’s full of advice on how to look good in your wedding photographs - most of it is centred around finding a ‘flattering’ dress or how to avoid double chins. I’m going to come outright and say this is a load of bollocks.
I have worked with and know a lot of brides who dread their photograph being taken on their wedding day. Having a professional photographer is actively something they shy away from researching, or avoid having altogether for fear of the images. These women are any size, any shape, any hair colour, any ethnicity, glasses and no glasses – self hatred and critique does not constrain itself to one ‘look’. We are all guilty of it.
First: Booking someone that puts you at ease is the first step to creating images that you love about yourself. You need to trust this person. You need to believe they will do a good job, feel comfortable around them AND love their images. I always recommend Skyping a photographer before you book to see if you gel as this is key to relaxing in front of them. I never ever want anyone to feel like they are any less than wonderful the way they are in front of my camera. The way that I work to break down those barriers and create that space is to put you at ease and make my camera seem not so scary after all. This isn’t a sell on me as a photographer, other photographers have different ways that might work with what you want better – it’s all about finding the person that’s the right fit for you.
Second, and this is probably the hardest but most important and goes above and beyond the wedding day, is to TRY to love yourself in general and not to tear yourself down at every opportunity. As humans we are so trained to hone in on our ‘faults’ (and I say this in quotes because anything not stereotypically beautiful is considered a fault according to the beauty industry). Learn to like what you see in the mirror.
Speak to yourself like a friend, not an enemy. You would NEVER tell your friend she had a big nose and was ugly because of it, so why on earth would you say that to yourself?
Forget about ‘perfection’- Perfection is not a thing. Not in real life and not on Instagram so stop trying to attain this ridiculous level of achievement. And on that note:
Stop measuring up to people on the internet and their filtered selfies. We all know they spend 30 minutes trying to get that angle and there’s 20 bursts on their iPhone before that exact one they chose to post.
Ask your partner what they love about you – and then relook at yourself and focus on that. Someone of the things we feel most self conscious about can be the things that make us uniquely ‘us’ and probably a reason why they love you.
Stop reading advice like “bite your tongue, it gives you cheekbones.” And “put your hand on your hip, it makes your arms look skinny”. All this will do is make you look uncomfortable, unnatural and most of all you will be focusing more on that and less on your gorgeous other half’s face.
Finally, if you’ve done point one this will be easier to achieve and there’ll be a level of trust there - you will need to relax and let go. HAVE A BLOODY GREAT TIME and let that ooze out into the camera. Throw your head back and laugh, enjoy every moment, don’t worry about if the camera’s positioned in a flatting angle. In 10 or 20 years feeling the laughter radiate from that image will be worth ten times more than a stylish posed image.
When you see your images afterwards, focus on the happiness that radiates from you. Don’t focus in on things you’d normally critique, view the image as a whole and focus on the feeling or emotion it gives you. This will help you see the photograph for what it is – a beautiful depiction of your day.
This post was inspired by the most amazing card I got from one of my 2019 brides Demi. It made me do a happy and a sad tear at the same time when I read it. Happy because what greater honour could I feel than giving some images that they felt like this about, and sad tear that anyone should feel so negatively in the first place. I’ll let her say the rest.
Dear Florence,
Although this is a little thank you from both of us, it is particularly a thank you from me (Demi)
The one thing I was always dreading about our wedding planning process was the wedding photos. Neither of us liked having out photo taken and I have a lot of deep rooted issues with self image. Then, we stumbled across you and instantly both felt a little bit of relief.
The day we got our snap and chat photos back I was in disbelief… I actually liked myself in natural photos! From that moment a tremendous weight was lifted from my shoulders and I suddenly couldn’t wait for our wedding day because as sad as it sounds, I was no longer worried that I would like the way that I looked.
On the day of the wedding you allowed us both to fully immerse ourselves in the day without a camera directly in our faces or constant posing. Your photographs of our wedding day have made me feel beautiful, Florence. I haven’t felt that way about myself for a very long time.
You are not only an insanely talented photographer you are a truly a miracle worker. Not only have you given us the most perfect wedding photographs which we will treasure forever but you have given me some of my confidence back.
We cannot thank you enough.
